Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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