My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
