My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
