There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
