well I can't set my house on fire every night
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
