i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
