i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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