I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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