last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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