bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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