her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
