i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
