Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I stole a fireplace last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
