After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
