After last night, I could never be a politician.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
