My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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