Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
