well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
