East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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