Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
