A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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