I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
