he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
