Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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