i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
