All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
