my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
