I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Randomize
