Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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