I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
