I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
