I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
