I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
