Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
