how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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