I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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