so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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