YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
