K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my sisters under your porch take her home
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
