these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
