i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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