shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
