You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So vagazzling was a success
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
