Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
