i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
