no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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