Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
