i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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