i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
