Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
