Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
