just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
